Hornets, Harts and the Great Early-Season Panic

 There is a particular kind of early-season madness reserved strictly for football fans, isn’t there? One week you’re high on the euphoric fumes of a glorious cup run, dreaming of Wembley and world domination. The next, you’re staring at a bench featuring three teenagers and a backup keeper, wondering if we’ll actually have eleven fit bodies by Bonfire Night.

The mood online is delightfully fractured. Half the fan base is still riding the cup wave, while the other half is hyperventilating into a paper bag over Nuno’s painfully deliberate tactical build-up, our quiet transfer window and a squad depth chart that looks like it’s been put on a strict calorie-deficit diet.

Personally, I sit somewhere in the middle. The squad is undeniably thin, but there is plenty of quality in that starting XI. There’s also the delicious wildcard factor of a couple of academy youngsters who look ready to announce themselves, potentially making us all wonder why we were fretting about spending £30m on a replacement in the first place.

Then there’s Nuno. I’ll be honest, his particular brand of "slow and steady" chess-board football hasn’t exactly made me want to break out the poetry notebook. It’s methodical, cautious and occasionally makes you want to check your watch.

But against this Watford side? It should be more than enough to get the job done.

Speaking of our hosts, can we quickly address the absolute identity crisis on their chest?

They are nicknamed The Hornets. They wear bright yellow and black like particularly angry wasps. Yet perched right in the middle of their badge is a giant, majestic hart, a male red deer for anyone lacking in 19th-century county heraldry.

It turns out the deer comes from the traditional coat of arms of Hertfordshire, but it still feels like a classic piece of English football absurdity. You show up expecting a swarm of stinging insects and instead get Bambi’s grandad. Beautifully confusing.

Anyway, off to Vicarage Road we go.

Expect a nervous first twenty minutes, a few increasingly creative grunts about backward passes, and, hopefully, a proper hard-fought away win to keep the season moving.

Up the Irons.