£60m for Summerville: An Absolute Boardroom Masterstroke

Just as I was mentally preparing myself for another season of watching Crysencio Summerville ghost past a bewildered full-back before promptly disintegrating like a damp biscuit, the new board went and pulled off an absolute masterstroke. Sixty million pounds. From Al-Hilal. Astonishingly.

Look, the lad is a pure joy when the cosmic alignment allows it; a flickering beacon of unadulterated electric magic. But let us not pretend his hamstrings weren't held together by little more than hope and blue Blu Tack. Asking him to complete more than ten consecutive matches was akin to asking a cat to perform classical ballet; theoretically intriguing, practically impossible. One glorious sequence of shimmering footwork, followed immediately by six weeks of staring morosely from the physio table while sipping isotonic liquids. Tragic, really.

Yet somehow, our newly minted boardroom overlords have extracted an eye-watering sum for a winger whose physical durability roughly matched that of a soggy paper bag. Classic football sanity suspended, entirely.

We shall miss the fleeting moments of grandeur, naturally. But as sixty million shiny reasons land squarely in the club bank account, I find myself standing on the concourse, genuinely bewildered by our own competence, ready to toast the new regime with a lukewarm pie and a paper cup of bitter. Delightfully.