The Annual Invasion of the Keypad Commandos

 

Code Words and Broken Dreams

Here we go again. The leaves are green, the sun is allegedly shining, and the most dangerous place in Western Europe is officially the Twitter timeline of a bloke named @InTheKnowBaz2006. The summer transfer window opened today, and with it, the annual migration of the keyboard warriors out of their parents' basements and into our digital lives.  

Suddenly, everyone has a "source close to the player’s barber" or a "cousin who works security at Heathrow." It is an exhausting, unremitting barrage of complete and utter fiction designed to test the mental fortitude of any right-thinking football supporter.

The Ground Rules of Engagement

Establishing Sanity in the Silly Season

To survive the next few months without throwing my laptop into the Thames, some strict, legally binding editorial boundaries are required. Going forward, the blog is adopting a two-tier system of reality.

• The Rumour Mill: This will be the designated quarantine zone for the ITK brigade. If a self-proclaimed oracle claims we are signing a Champions League winner because they saw a suspicious looking Mercedes parked near the training ground, it lives here. It is entertainment, not news.
• The Gospel Truth: A transfer does not exist in this dimension until it passes the ultimate trinity of validation. I require a definitive "Here We Go" from Fabrizio Romano, an official report from the BBC or Sky Sports, or the club itself with a picture of the player holding up a shirt.

Anything else is just noise. We are absolutely not playing the "my mate saw Lionel Messi buying a sausage roll in Rush Green" game this year. Consider the shields raised.