Brace For Impact

 

Still alive, miraculously, despite the persistent existential dread that comes with supporting this glorious, chaotic institution. I haven’t abandoned you; I’ve merely been braced for impact as the transfer window prepares to open like a recurring fever dream. 

We are currently linked to half of Europe’s registered professionals, a magnificent feat of imagination considering our transfer budget is currently being held together by optimistic thoughts and a few loose coins found behind the stadium bar. The Mateus Fernandes situation is reaching levels of avant-garde performance art, with every club on the continent seemingly convinced they can secure our midfield lynchpin for a crisp five-pound note and the loan of a sixteen-year-old academy prospect they found in Guatemala.  

Total tragedy

Jarrod Bowen is currently performing the "Internet Hokey Cokey"... staying, going, fiercely loyal, or supposedly too refined for the Championship... while we all wait for the inevitable, spectacular collapse of our collective sanity. And then there is Max Kilman. Stone cold silence. Not a single suitor has blinked, which is a classic West Ham move (leaving us holding onto the one man we all assumed would be halfway to the airport by now). Fortune’s hiding, as per usual, but the nonsense is very much in plain sight.  

Massive!