"Badges? We Don’t Need No Stinking Badges!" (But We Do Need to Sell Shirts)

 

The board has announced a grand fan consultation on a new club crest, which is, on the surface, utterly fabulous. Finally, we are being invited to the high table of corporate aesthetics, like a flock of bewildered seagulls asked to critique a fashion runway. Naturally, the cynic in me is pacing the floor, suspiciously wondering what existential distraction tactic is truly at play here. Classic West Ham move.

Still, it is a golden opportunity to rectify some minor design tragedies. Take the word "London" currently squatting at the bottom of our shield. It has always bothered me intensely. Aston Villa don't feel the need to plaster "Birmingham" across their chests to remind themselves of their postal code, do they? Then there is the lingering ghost of the Boleyn Castle. It is a glorious piece of nostalgia, but it makes entirely no sense now that we’ve trammed our way over to Stratford and left Upton Park behind.

Ultimately, a redesigned piece of embroidered fabric isn’t going to magically fix our midfield positioning or teach anyone how to defend a corner. A new badge won’t change a single thing on the pitch, tragically. But it will crack open our wallets and undoubtedly sell an absolute mountain of fresh shirts to us easily pleased metrics-chasers. We shall see what comes of it, skeptically.

Have your say (or just marvel at the distraction) via the official club crest consultation announcement here.